Sex Coaching — A New Career Niche

Learning to Enjoy Sex with Confidence


Between the career niche of “Life Coaching” and the career niche of “Sex Surrogate,” is the wide-open career niche of “Sex Coaching.”

[Life] Coaching is a training or development process via which an individual is supported while achieving a specific personal or professional competence result or goal. The individual receiving coaching may be referred to as coachee. Occasionally, the term coaching may be applied to an informal relationship between two individuals where one has greater experience and expertise than the other and offers advice and guidance as the other goes through a learning process, but coaching differs from mentoring by focusing upon competence specifics, as opposed to general overall development. __Coaching

Sex surrogates — often wrongly confused with prostitutes — function as sex therapists, and receive referrals from licensed psychotherapists and mental health councilors.

The client must be able to depend on the surrogate to hold steady to the therapeutic process so there is always a level of emotional safety, even when challenging issues arise. Through modeling sexual self-awareness, sexual behaviors and desires are normalized, as well as any anxieties that may accompany them. Initiating patient and persistent desensitization can gradually free the client from triggers to anxiety or shame. __SexSurrogate

Sex surrogates/therapists deal largely with people who have very serious lifelong problems with intimacy. A number of personal pathologies — both subtle and pronounced — are typically involved. Sex surrogates and therapists require character strength along with a firm commitment to the “therapeutic process.”

Like Helen Hunt’s character in “The Sessions,” a sex surrogate is a therapist who helps people overcome their bedroom dysfunctions. Yes, it involves sleeping with strangers, but unlike prostitution, these men weren’t in search of a good time. They were in pain and filled with shame. They had tried everything. Usually, a sex surrogate is a last resort. And over time, they taught me more about intimacy and vulnerability than I could have imagined.

It wasn’t always easy to get close to these men…. At first, I was astonished to find that men like [these] existed. I always thought men were born with an innate understanding of how to have sex. But what I discovered over the years was just how wrong I was. I’ve learned that men are extremely sensitive about being able to “perform” and that they often have no idea how their bodies work. They are terrified that women will find out they don’t know what they are doing, and they will be humiliated and shamed. _I Was A Sex Surrogate

Surrogate clients typically suffer from specific problems, some physiological, but mostly psychological. They range from lacking confidence and trouble with intimacy to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Many are middle-aged virgins who know little about women and sexuality.

… Sexual surrogacy clients, consist mostly of men, although some are women. They generally do not find sex enjoyable and their anxiety over sexual performance is often crippling. They may feel isolated and stuck in a perpetual cycle of sexual failures. Lack of confidence results in shortened romantic endeavours and the prospect of loneliness, with the sexual surrogate providing their last hope. __ http://trauma.blog.yorku.ca/2013/04/sexual-surrogates-help-many-who-suffer-alone/

You get the idea. Sexual surrogacy/therapy focuses on people who often have significant sexual dysfunction. It is not for most ordinary people.

Sex Coaching is a different kettle of fish. Sex coaches work with perfectly ordinary people who are at all stages of their sexual careers. Some may be young adults who wish to develop special skills — such as the elusive Venus Butterfly technique. More general information here. (Note: The information in the Wikipedia entry for Venus Butterfly is sadly deficient and is more likely to disappoint than delight.)

Other clients may be coming off a long dry stretch of celibacy or a failed marriage, and wish merely for a good tune-up and confidence boost before jumping back into the game.

Most sex coaches are healthy young men and women, although in the future, we may well see sex robots playing an important role in the confluence of sex coaching and life coaching. As populations in the developed world grow older, we may see an increasing preponderance of middle-aged and senior sex coaches.

In the sick sad shriveled anti-heterosexual age of modern feminism, there is a strong need for trained personnel who are knowledgeable in the techniques of teaching advanced sexual skills and boosting sexual confidence in the ordinary person. There is only so much that one can learn from Cosmo, Penthouse, or the Kama Sutra.

Remember: Sex coaches are not prostitutes and they are not sex surrogates. They are teachers and coaches who possess a wealth of knowledge about sex and a depth of understanding about the crucial role that sexual excitement plays in a normal life. Sex coaches do not have sex with clients just as life coaches do not live with clients.

The brain is the most important sex organ, and in the end it is the brain that receives most of the training.

Sex Coaching is one of the many areas of optional emphasis which an adolescent in Dangerous Child Training is able to select — as one of the required 3 ways to be financially self-supporting by age 18. It is only offered with parental consent, of course, since parents are usually among the most important supervisors of a Dangerous Child’s training. Beginning at age 14, for part of the next four years those who elect this specialty engage in a rigorous training schedule of anatomy, dance, music, wrestling –> judo, hypnotic verse and metaphor, and more. They are trained as nurses aides at age 16, and spend significant time caring for infants, the disabled, and the elderly over the last two years of training. At age 17, if they have managed to stay in the program, they begin to learn formal and informal styles of seduction and non-genital pleasuring. The last six months of training consists of a form of sex education for which only the prior three and a half years would have prepared them.

Dangerous Child training is about whole life competence, including how to develop multiple careers, how to build and support a life financially, how to defend a life against physical and legal threats, and how to enjoy that life in the presence or absence of adversity.

Maslow's Hierarchy Wikipedia .. Finkelstein

Maslow’s Hierarchy
Wikipedia .. Finkelstein


Any method of child-raising and life training should keep in mind the hierarchical nature of personal needs of development and life fulfillment.

As a child’s caretakers contemplate the many parts of the child’s life that need fulfillment, the deficiencies of modern child-raising methods and modern government education become more clearly highlighted. When masses of grown-children are thrown into the world totally unprepared — as lifelong incompetent adolescents — one should not be surprised that so many end up unemployed, underemployed, in lifelong debt, and living in spare garage or basement bedrooms.

It is better to be prepared . . . and multi-competent.

* A short note on the Venus Butterfly technique: There is no single “Venus Butterfly” which will provide optimal satisfaction for every woman, every time. The most authentic method that has been passed down is more of a basic approach with variations, depending upon the woman’s moment by moment responses.

In the ancient approach, the tongue and all the fingers of both hands are used, beginning with a tentative, exploratory approach. One of the means of feedback to the male partner is for the recipient woman’s hand to grip the male penis throughout the session. An experienced male will move through the “decision tree” of the technique in an unconscious manner, guided by feedback. The female recipient will ideally be in a trance state throughout the session.

The key is to understand the woman and the locations of her erogenous zones — and how to use subtle gliding touch and pressure patterns to tease the woman’s brain into repeated, irresistible climax.

Too much detail at this stage would spoil the fun of discovery.

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