Al Fin Travels to the Duggars’ Arkansas Home to Interview the Presidential Candidate
Al Fin: Thank you for meeting with me today, Mr. Duggar.
Jim Duggar: Please, Al, just call me Jim. It’s a pleasure to welcome you to our home.
AF: Thanks, Jim. Now that you have declared your candidacy for US President in 2016, what do you see as your most important task after being elected?
JD: Well, Al, I feel that men and women in the US have neglected their foremost duty to future generations. I want to fix that.
AF: What duty is that, Jim?
JD: The duty to make sure that there will be future generations, Al. Michelle and I feel that we have done our part — although we would very much like to have more children. But we look around the US and see very few other parents making the same kind of effort that we have made. As a result, the US is becoming dependent upon immigrants to fill both skilled and unskilled jobs.
AF: Can you tell our readers how you would go about assuring the existence of such future generations?
JD: Of course, Al. The first and most important step is to return education to the 3R++ curriculum. Did you know that in former years, a child educated through the 8th grade with the 3R’s plus reasoning and history was better educated than most college-educated youth today?
AF: I have read something along those lines. Certainly the former 8th grade graduates were less indoctrinated and more capable of logical, objective thinking than most of today’s college graduates. How else would you change education?
JD: In addition to the 3 R++, I would add an F.
AF: Interesting. What is the “F” for?
JD: Fertility, Al. Young students — particularly brighter students — need to learn that fertility is the duty of all good citizens.
AF: How does a teacher go about the teaching of fertility to children? It sounds a bit risky, considering modern attitudes.
JD: Modern attitudes, Al? Do you mean the modern policy of sexualising children prematurely through advertising, fashion, “children’s” TV shows and movies, popular music and music videos, and government school sex education that promotes the gay and lesbian lifestyle?
AF: Right. I see your point. Can you explain your platform for promoting fertility to children and youth?
JD: Gladly, Al. Young children do not need sex education. But they need to develop an ambition for raising families when they are older. Children will be taught the advantages of large families along with the pleasure of hard work and applied ambition in supporting those families. They need to learn how to embrace the responsibility of family and community from a very early age.
AF: What about teenagers? Teaching fertility to teenagers sounds particularly risky. How would you avoid teen pregnancies?
JD: We are not teaching sex education, Al. Teens can learn all they need to know about sex — and more — on the internet. We are teaching fertility, and the responsibility of raising a family.
Girls are encouraged to babysit younger children and infants, to learn basic skills. They are taught the feeding, cleaning, and clothing needs of infants and toddlers. They are urged to visit hospital maternity wards, Lamaze classes, and prenatal and postnatal clinics. They are encouraged to sleep in the same room with young infants, and to attend to them when they wake in the night.
AF: Only girls? What about boys? How will you teach fertility and family responsibility to boys?
JD: Boys need to learn to work and provide for their growing families. They also need to learn to play with young children, read to them, and find ways to help toddlers and young children to learn from everyday living. They are given a chance to learn all of these things.
AF: How would you adapt the “fertility curriculum” for high school and college?
JD: First of all, under the new 3R++ curriculum most 8th grade graduates would be ready to take advanced college courses and learn occupational skills right off the bat.
Secondly, the age of full marital consent for girls would be lowered to 16, to allow the girls who were so disposed to marry young and begin family life — for which they would be well prepared — early.
AF: I see. How do you expect to get your programs through Congress and past the Supreme Court?
JD: No need, Al. President Obama has shown how a US President can be a “government of one,” if he is audacious enough.
AF: Jim, Obama is a black leftist, and gets away with a lot of things that people of other colours and political persuasions would be publicly condemned for by persons throughout the media, academia, popular culture, and government.
JD: Where there’s a will, there’s a way, Al. We are working on plans to deal with all contingencies. Just look at my family, and then tell me that I am not a determined man.
AF: Well, sure, I’ll grant you that. Thanks for granting this interview. I would like to be able to return and hold other discussions, later in your campaign.
JD: You are always welcome here, Al.
Large families seem to go along with devout religious faith, for some reason. The Duggars are Independent Baptists, a fundamental Christian faith. But as you can see from the images above, Catholics, Mormons, Amish, and other religious faiths will often tend toward raising large families.
Bob and Erika Shupe, and family, attend the Spring Creek Bible Church.
Parents of large families should be competent people for many reasons. To give a single child a rich and productive childhood requires competency. But to raise 5, 10, or 20 children in a manner that the children deserve, requires ambition, devotion to duty, a broad range of personal skills, honesty and integrity, and a good and competent character. Not everyone is cut out for that life.
Bill and Hillary Clinton, for example, lack basic honesty and integrity, making them disqualified to raise a large family. Chelsea was more than enough.
The same goes for the Obama family. Rotten, entitled parents implies rotten, entitled children.
If the proud people of western nations are going to survive the next few generations, they will need to acquire a new seriousness toward the future. Otherwise, those who are developing a strategy of “fallback to redoubts” will find that their plans will be desperately needed in the future.
Hope and work for the best. Prepare for the worst.
Note: This article is pure satire. My apologies to Mr. Duggar and his lovely family for excessive artistic licence.