Will Intelligent Apes Do the Jobs that Black People Won’t Do?

Note: Source material below may have been inadvertently “paraphrased” in the course of editing and publication, to highlight some of the more subtle aspects of the genetics revolution __ Ed.

[offensive satire]

CRISPR Engineered Intelligent Apes

CRISPR Engineered Intelligent Apes

High in the Bolivian Alps, deep in the lowest confines of a genetics institute run by holdover Nazi scientists, a newer more intelligent breed of ape is coming into existence.

Institute scientist Herr Professor Sommer von Volker says intelligent apes are inevitable, and will make the perfect Nazi.

“The average human (from the genus Homo) and the average chimpanzee/bonobo (whose genus is Pan) probably differ in only a few functionally important genetic components. [Once we] engineer certain Homo-like genetic components into members of the genus Pan, they [will] become more ‘human-like’.”

“[Once we] start putting very large numbers of [CRISPR engineered] human brain cells into the brains of primates [we can suddenly] transform the primate in something that has some of the capacities that we regard as distinctly human,” [he said]. __ Planet of the Apes in the Pipeline

The combination of CRISPR engineered ape genomes, along with the addition of human brain cells into the brains of apes, seems guaranteed to produce a more intelligent ape — a “missing link” as it were.

The fear is that germ-line engineering is a path toward a dystopia of superapes and designer primates for those who can afford it. Want a chimp with blue eyes and blond hair? Why not design a highly intelligent group of orangutans who could be tomorrow’s manual labourers and minimum wage workers? __ CRISPR Path to Super-Apes

The fear is very real, and may become the next great cause, after the global warming hoax collapses.

In South Carolina, a family of chimps was invited to the weekend premier of “The Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.” They reportedly watched the film politely with little comment, but were seen walking away muttering to each other furiously, and shaking their fists wildly in the air.

A recent poll of American blacks revealed that most respondents have not gotten over their concern about the rapid influx of latino immigrants who are widely seen as taking away jobs that black persons would have otherwise done — so they have not yet had time to consider the impact of hyper-intelligent apes on black unemployment rates.

Bolivia’s Herr Professor Sommer von Volker believes that the world will see large hordes of intelligent apes long before it sees intelligent machines. “A little tweak here, a little tweak there, and before you know it, our Nazi apes will be taking over the world!”

Nazis have been known to make big promises in the past, then fail to deliver afterward. The truth is, the Bolivian institute could release unmodified apes [average IQ 30] with brains infected by the rabies virus, into population centres — and they would behave no differently than ordinary human Nazis.

CRISPR Apes are Excitable

We will merely have to wait and see, and learn to deal with whatever consequences ensue from the brave new world of CRISPR apes.

[/offensive satire]

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