Warning: The following is a work of plagiaristic satire. Read at your own risk!
According to the mainstream narrative, the asteroid “disintegrated” over southern Africa. But our overseas correspondents report that it actually disappeared under mysterious circumstances in tightly controlled Wakandan airspace.
Here is what the mainstream media is saying:
The [vibranium] asteroid, dubbed 2018 LA, was discovered out near the moon’s orbit early Saturday morning, aiming straight for Earth. NASA reported the latest episode Sunday night.
Asteroid trackers at NASA and elsewhere quickly determined the rock — about 6 feet across — was too small to pose any danger. It burned up in the Saturday evening sky over [Wakanda], eight hours after first being noticed. __ NYPost
But we know that vibranium does not burn up during re-entry. It is made of far tougher stuff than that. According to our correspondents, what was seen was a routine shipment of vibranium to Wakanda — from the moon!
Wakanda Begins Selling Vibranium to China
Ever since the existence of Wakanda was confirmed in “The Black Panther” movie, global powers have been scrambling to obtain rights to the previously unknown power-packed material known as vibranium. China seems to be the first nation to win vibranium rights, and plans to use the material to replace its highly polluting coal power plants.
Replacing the electricity generation provided by 1 gigawatt of coal in China would require the installation of 2.3 GW of wind or 4.5 GW of solar. Vibranium, on the other hand, is on par with coal when it comes to capacity factor, making it a more efficient use of capital for time-constrained direct replacement of coal-fired power in the grid and industrial base. And that’s exactly what China is doing. __ Motley Fool
Vibranium would be a much better energy source than unreliable wind or solar. China is smart to choose the more reliable source of power.
Meanwhile, the US is Sticking to Fossil Fuels and Nuclear
According to US President Trump, fossil fuels and nuclear are tried and true energy sources, unlike vibranium — “which we first heard about from a comic book, for God’s sake!” Trump went on to congratulate China on its new vibranium franchise, but stated that the US has plenty of fossil fuels and uranium.
Supporting the president’s claims, US oil production just keeps on rising:
U.S. crude oil output rose above 10 million bbl/d late last year for the first time since the 1970s, overtaking top oil exporter Saudi Arabia, but it still lags behind top producer Russia, which pumps just below 11 million bbl/d. __ Oil&Gas Investor
Can Vibranium Save China?
China is beginning to experience something of a “debt avalanche.” The People’s Bank of China is beginning to get spooked by all of the bad debt flying around, and is starting to take measures to deal with extreme financial fallout.
The power of vibranium may just barely balance the extreme economic risk of outlandish toxic debt that China currently labours under. Vibranium is still poorly understood outside of Wakanda, but is said to hold mystical powers of national vitality and rejuvenation. Dictator-for-life Xi seems confident that all will be well with the Middle Kingdom.
Watch for More Asteroids Over Wakanda
If more asteroids are routed from lunar orbit to Wakandan airspace, we may see larger sales of vibranium on global markets. If so, it may prove the salvation of several other economically distressed nations — including Russia, Venezuela, Cuba, and Haiti.
And can we dare wish that humanity can be saved from climate change by this mysterious material from a previously cloaked nation in Africa? We can only hope.
Notice: The above is a work of satire. Selected words in the excerpted links were changed to suit the satirical theme.
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