This is Why Women are not Allowed to Drive Bulldozers

Topless Woman Drives Dozer Into Apartment Building

Women Need Not Apply

Heather Houston has been charged with two felonies after allegedly stealing a front-end loader and driving it into an apartment complex in Great Falls.

The Great Falls Police Department responded to the Fox Hollow Apartment Complex on Sunday morning where they found 34-year-old Houston had stolen the loader from the 3100 block of Rainbow Dam Road and drove it across town to the apartments.

GFPD said Houston then ran over a fence, damaged a car, and hit the side of the complex. She was reportedly topless as she elevated the front end to the second floor and crawled into an apartment before coming back out. __

Police are charging Houston with felony criminal mischief and felony endangerment.

According to unverified reports, police are also charging Ms. Houston with causing 3 separate traffic accidents while driving from Rainbow Dam Road to the Fox Hollow Apartment Complex. The accidents were a result of gawkers staring at the topless bulldozer driver, instead of watching the road in front of them.

A woman onlooker commented that if a man takes off his shirt and drives a bulldozer, nobody gives a second glance. If a woman does that, all hell breaks loose!


It is the opinion of our editorial board that half-naked women should stay in strip clubs where they belong, not out driving bulldozers in full public view. We the editors fervently hope that no people of colour or LGBTQs were offended by the events portrayed in the news report above.

While we as feminists would ordinarily support the right of women to choose any career, we now see that there should be some exceptions.

Note: Some literary license was taken with the news report above, in the spirit of satire and the dominant mainstream ethic of fake news.

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