The New Al Fin Human Breast Milk Diet

Most have heard of the Atkins low carb diet, the ketogenic diet, the Jordan Peterson all meat & greens diet, and the Masai ox milk & blood diet. In today’s piece, Al Fin introduces the fresh human breast milk diet for adult male peak performance. Remember, the human breast milk must be consumed fresh.

The many benefits of human breast milk for human infants are impressive, varied, and too numerous to mention. But some readers may not be aware of the benefits of breast milk in the toddler years.

The graphic below provides a few of the health boosting effects of human breast milk for the young human:

Human Breast Milk for Adult Males

When explaining the benefits of the patented Al Fin Breast Milk Diet © , one of the most difficult ideas to get across is why the diet is recommended for adult males — but not to adult females. The reasons are quite clear. The androgenic hormone testosterone is quite demanding of the human body — and adult human males have blood levels of testosterone that are roughly an order of magnitude higher than testosterone blood levels in adult human females.

Testosterone performs many tasks for the human male. Among other functions, testosterone drives males to high achievement in the attempt to win the contest for the most desirable female(s). Human males are driven by their hormones to work long hours, take dangerous jobs, commute long distances for better work, and perform risky and daring “show-off” feats to impress members of the fairer sex.

All of these things take a toll on the male body, and men tend to die several years younger, on average, than human females.

Scientists at the Al Fin Institutes have discovered that if adult human males consume fresh human breast milk three times a day, most of the adverse effects of testosterone can be mitigated — leading to a longer and healthier lifespan for human males.

How Can Society Provide Enough Lactating Females for This Need?

The healthiest and most reliable way to bring an adult human female to lactation, is through pregnancy. But lactation can also be induced using exogenous hormones in the proper amounts, at the proper time. Either naturally induced lactation or artificially induced lactation will result in the same, health-giving breast milk.

Women who choose the career of “Breast Milk Provider” need never be out of work for as long as her breasts continue to respond to the hormonal inducers of lactation.

One of the many unexpected benefits of the fresh breast milk diet is that adult males who previously suffered from the unfortunate habit of thumb-sucking, are almost instantly cured of that unmanly addiction. The eyesight of men on the diet grows stronger and clearer as well, particularly when judging a woman’s breast size and bra cup from great distances.

Eat, Drink, and be Merry

Today’s modern societies suffer from an unfortunate “up-tightness” that restricts men and women from enjoying all the many aspects of being alive “in the best of all possible worlds.”

Here at the Institutes, we have found that men who practice the fresh breastmilk diet — and coincidentally women who supplement their normal diets with fresh human semen — are able to better relax and enjoy both the simple and the complex pleasures of being alive.

Humans are biological creatures, closely tied to nature at many levels. It should be no surprise that human males never truly outgrow their need for natural, wholesome human breast milk.

Breast Milk Everywhere

We are recommending that corporations provide a special “fresh breast milk bar” at the job, to allow male workers a quick pick-me-up during breaks. We also anticipate the emergence of drive-thru lanes for fresh breast milk at McDonalds and other fast food places. More thoughtful wives will have a fresh quad-copter delivered mug of still-warm fresh human breast milk waiting for their hard-working man, when he gets home. Even better, if the wife happens to be lactating she can provide an even fresher boost of breast milk for her mate.

The global market for dietary supplements is expected to reach almost $300 billion annually by 2024. Human breast milk is more than a supplement, more than a diet — it can easily become a way of life for both partaker and provider.

Remember, whether for you or for that peak-performing adult male in your life: Breast is best. Thanks to all the hard-working scientists at the Al Fin Institutes who developed this ingenious and creative new diet.

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This entry was posted in Biomedicine, satire, Sex Differences, Testosterone and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to The New Al Fin Human Breast Milk Diet

  1. DictatorialJay says:

    Fantastic Idea!

  2. ddswaterloo says:

    I can’t tell if, or where, this article goes from serious to trolling.

    Just where does it?? Breast feeding is definitely good for babies, at any rate.

    Is it April 1st?

  3. Only advisable for those of European or North/East African descent. Lactose persistence is a pre-requisite for getting the full benefit of the diet.

    On a more serious note, I wonder if non-human milk consumption provides some of the benefits to adults that babies get from milk, hence why (some) humans started to consume it? Personally, I hold the belief that 10,000 Mongols can’t be wrong.

    • alfin2101 says:

      I suspect that 100 yaks can feed more milk drinkers than 100 lactating women. Economics is a central part of every surviving society, whether it has a name or not.

      • I’m not saying people were trying to replicate an existing breast-milk diet. I’m suggesting that they would have got the idea to drink animal milk on the basis that babies (up to 2 years) can survive on a diet of human milk, so humans should be able to survive on a diet of yak milk.

        • alfin2101 says:

          Yes. I’ve heard that historically, many a strapping young lad of royal family or nobility continued drinking breast milk on into the teenage years.

          As for yaks, no doubt their milk helped the Mongols rule a great empire. With a little luck, they might have ruled from Japan in the east to Spain in the west.

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