Sex and the Banana: Not Work-safe

The Banana’s Controversial Sex Life

The banana plant first originated ten thousand years ago in South Asia, when two wild plant species — Musa acuminata and Musa balbisinia — accidentally cross-pollinated, resulting in the sterile half-breed banana plant. The fruit of the banana’s two wild parent plants is not very edible, but the banana . . . ah, the banana. The banana is sweet, easy to chew and swallow, and goes easy on the stomach if eaten at the proper stage of ripeness.

Despite the hybrid’s unfortunate sexual impotence, shrewd would-be agriculturalists realised that the plants could be cultivated from suckering shoots and cuttings taken from the underground stem. The genetically identical progeny produced this way remained sterile, yet the new plant could be widely propagated with human help. An intensive and prolonged process of selective breeding—aided by the variety of hybrids and occasional random genetic mutations—eventually evolved the banana into its present familiar form. Arab traders carried these new wonderfruit to Africa, and Spanish conquistadors relayed them onwards to the Americas. Thus the tasty new banana was spared from an otherwise unavoidable evolutionary dead-end. __ https://www.damninteresting.com/the-unfortunate-sex-life-of-the-banana/

Although it cannot reproduce except via cuttings, the banana plant’s fruit has long been associated with sex. Let’s look at some of the ways that bananas are associated with sex, in human minds and in their day to day lives.

As an appetizer, let’s look at one way bananas and sex seem to go together: Via the fruit’s nutritional benefits —

    • They improve testosterone levels: Bananas are rich in potassium, a nutrient that helps boost production of testosterone
    • They can get you in the mood: The tryptophan present in bananas helps regulate secretion of serotonin, a hormone that lifts your mood and increases your sex drive too.
    • They improve prostrate function: Bananas are rich in two minerals – manganese and magnesium – which is usually deficit in men. These minerals boost prostate health and help your reproductive organs to function to their optimum.
    • They improve libido: Bananas are also rich in bromelain and Vitamin B, both of these minerals are known to be regulators of testosterone and can increase sexual desire, performance and overall virility.
    • They improve your energy level: [Bananas increase blood flow] to your genitals that help improve libido and have a mind boggling sex.

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Keep in mind that increasing testosterone can boost libido in both men and women.

It is in the banana’s shape and size that impressionable and nature-loving women sometimes go astray.

Innocent Young Fruit’s Greatest Fear
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Yes, women sometimes use bananas as penis-proxies or dildos. A quick search of the internet will reveal numerous websites hosting videos and photographs of women resorting to the yellow fruit to obtain sexual pleasure. Although the use of bananas does not rank in the top ten sexual fantasies for women, the number of websites devoted to the practise suggests that it is popular in some circles.

Advice columns often suggest the use of a condom when indulging this particular passion.

A Night to Remember
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Our lawyer insists I insert that bananas are not only for binaries, but can also be used by all members of the LGBTQ+ communities.

For men, bananas are sometimes used for masturbation. To do this, the banana is removed and the remaining peel is prepped for service. Using clean technique and exactly 7 seconds in the microwave (and optional application of your favourite lotion), the inside of the peel is ready for the pièce de résistance. But be careful, men!

One Reddit user recounted a harrowing, cautionary tale where he used a banana skin to masturbate and allegedly ended up “falling in the mess I made, hit my head on the toilet and barely lived to tell the tale.” __ NYPost

I somehow doubt the veracity of the Reddit account, but my apologies in case I am being unfair 😉 .

Interesting Banana Facts

    • There are over 500 varieties of bananas; they come in many shapes and sizes, from small finger fruits to big purple plantains.
    • Some bananas are fuzzy pink; some when cooked taste like strawberries.
    • The yellow banana you eat is a mutant: a genetic variation on the hundreds of other varieties and rainbow of colors. The yellow banana is the sweetest.
    • The banana is the largest herb on earth. What looks like a banana tree is not a tree but a herbaceous plant that grows up to 40 feet tall.
    • Bananas grow in Iceland. Well, actually in greenhouses heated by volcanic underground springs.
    • There were more than 300 banana accidents in Britain in 2001, mostly from people slipping on skins.

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Note to readers: This article is an example of the kind of thing formerly posted to Al Fin, You Sexy Thing!, one of the Al Fin blogs that Google ended. For a long time after he lost that outlet, Mr. Fin was quite bereft — and inconsolable too! But at least for humans, time seems to heal most wounds. I wrote this piece on Mr. Fin’s computer in hopes it would cheer him up and show him that all is not lost. Keep your peckers chins up!

Valerie

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